All It Is Is a Memory
by celestialstarynight
Summary: Joker stands there with that stupid red grin on his face; the gun in his hand still smoking. He lets out a sadistic laugh, tosses the gun away and turns to walk out of the building. Blood pours from the wound in Barbra's stomach as Dick holds her close.
1. Stay With Me Until I Fall Asleep

**Redoing this because I saw this picture by BaraNoKage on deviantart. And for DickBabs Execute week.  
>Why does this song fit them so perfectly? ("Kiss it all better" by He Is We)<br>****Flashbacks in **_italics_**.**

All It Is Is A Memory

Chapter 1

Stay With Me Until I Fall Asleep

* * *

><p>Sixteen year old Dick lays on his bed. Never ending tears running down his cheeks.<p>

A lot can change in a day. Dick has known this since he lost his parents at the age of eight.

Twenty-four hours ago his life was close to perfect. His recent mission with the team had been successful. And when he got back to the Batcave, his girlfriend of one year, Barbara Gordon, suggested they go out on patrol together. He had agreed and soon they found themselves fighting with the Joker.

Dick puts his pillow over his head as the memories come rushing painfully back to him. Just as they had done the months after his parents' death.

_Joker stands there with that stupid red grin on his face. The gun in his hand still smoking. This time it isn't the ones that just have a flag with the word 'BANG' on it. It's real._

_The Joker lets out a sadistic laugh. He tosses the gun away and turns to walk out of the building._

_Blood pours from the wound in Barbara's stomach. Her face is full of pain and deathly white. Her hands grip her mid section as Dick holds her from behind and gently lowers her to the ground._

_"Kiss it all better. I'm not ready to go. It's not your fault, you didn't know. You didn't know."_

Her voice still echoes in his mind. It's worse than any nightmare that Scarecrow could create. But this time, Dick can't wake up. He's trapped inside a swirling pool of guilt and anger and sadness. Batman can't make an antidote for this. He's stuck there with no way out.

_She clings to her sides and the only warmth in her hands comes from the blood pooling over them. Dick rips of her cape and ties it around her tightly._

_"Everything will be alright."_

_His voice sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than Barbara. 'Please stay with me Babs' he thinks._

_"You've got to go after him, Dick," Barbara tells him. "I'll be fine." She coughs up blood._

_Joker laughs again in the background as he sees Barbara try to move her lips._

_He tries to tell her he's not going to leave her, but then he sees the gun._

_If his eyes could have been seen at that moment, people would have sworn that the kid had no soul. All the rage he had felt at Zucco came back to him. But it was now directed at the Joker. That man, no monster, had hurt the bat family countless times and murdered countless numbers people. Now was the time for revenge._

_His clear blue eyes look like an intense, burning fire._

_"Joker's gonna pay."_

_His voice takes on a dark heartlessness that he has never used before. He lays Barbara fully on the ground. She could not hear his words. Which was just has well, for that would have caused her even more shock._

_He walks over and picks up the gun. Bruce hates guns, but that's just another rule that Dick plans to break tonight._

_"Joker!" He cries at the green haired villain. The man turns around and smiles at him._

_"Aw, poor birdie," he clown mocks. "Did I shoot your girlfriend?" He lets out another laugh. He then notices the gun in Dick's hands and where it's pointing. Barbara lays unconscious two meters behind Dick. The Joker stands twenty meters in front of him. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. You know Basty doesn't like you playing with guns," Joker says with a shake of his head. Joker turns to leave, not believing Dick would ever use a gun._

Her voice still haunts him. He wishes he could hear her say something, anything, but that. But now, he may never hear her speak again. She lost so much blood.

He's locked himself away again. If Barbara doesn't make it, he might not come out this time. There are only so many times one's heart can die before it is lost forever.

Barbara is in a coma. One she may never come out of. It could take twenty-five days, or twenty-five years. But she's not with him. She's not there to tease him. To go on patrol with him. To kiss him.

_His finger tightens around the trigger and another shot is heard. The Joker cries out in shock as he falls to the ground. His blood pools around him. Dick tosses the gun pass the dying man. He walks over to Barbara's form and the tears start to spill over._

_"Babs, wake up please." Dick had already hit his emergency transmitter. Bruce would be there soon._

_About two minutes later, Dick hears sirens and the sound of the Batmobile pulling up outside the building._

_He hadn't managed to wake Barbara up. Bruce rushes in. "No," Bruce's voice is full with concern for the girl in Dick's arms. He runs over and kneels at Barbara's side, trying to access the damage. "What happened?" Bruce asks and he binds the wound further._

_"Joker," is Dick's one word answer. "I'm sorry Bruce. He had a gun." Tears are pouring rapidly down his cheeks._

_"Dick, it's not your fault," Bruce doesn't even bother to call him by the other name. "Where is he now? Do you know?" Bruce asked, hoping he could catch him and beat the crap out of him for doing this to the young girl he considered like a niece to him._

_"Behind you," Dick whispers. "I'm sorry Bruce," he says again._

_Bruce finishes with Barbara and turns around slowly. He spots the Joker lying in a lake of his own blood. "Dick?" he asks slowly, not wanting to believe his little bird had done this._

_"I'm sorry Bruce," Dick apologizes again._

This memory plays over and over inside of his head. Barbara had regained consciousness after she was taken to the ambulance. Dick and her father had both gotten in the back; the paramedics were up front. She spoke briefly to her dad and then to Dick. Before she slipped into the coma she had said, "I love you, Dad." Her voice failed her as she tried to say the last of it, but Dick read her lips. 'I love you, Dick' she had meant to say.

The press gets wind that Barbara was in a motorcycle wreck and slipped into a coma. Bruce Wayne paid for her to be moved to a better facility. She is moved to the Justice League's medical bay. Her father sits by her side once a week for the whole day.

Artemis was helping Dick cope because she had been friends with Barbara in school and felt the loss as well.

It is also announced that the Joker had been found dead. No cause of death is given.

No one but Bruce knows what Dick had done. Somehow James Gordon hasn't found out and Bruce sees no reason to tell him. They never talk about it. Dick now has a new secret to keep from his team.

'Robin' has become more violent, more like 'Batman'. Eventually, Bruce has to make him quit. If Dick went on like he was any longer, he may have gotten someone else killed. A new boy takes up the mantel.

A lot can change in a day.

...

It has been five years. Barbara is still in her coma and Dick has started his new life as 'Nightwing'. Yet he, like Barbara's father, still find one day out of the week to sit with her.

As those five years pass, Dick finds it harder and harder to remember exactly what Barbara sounded like when she was yelling at him or teasing him.

Twenty-one year old Dick lays on his apartment bed. Never ending tears running down his cheeks.

"Stay with me, Babs," he whispers.

Why won't she wake up? Is it because he's a murderer?

It took five years but the full truth finally hits him.

He is a murderer.

He's no better than the Joker or any other scum he fights every night.

"Babs, I'm sorry, but I need you. Please come back," Dick whispers into his pillow.

_Beep-Beep-Beep_

Dick picks up the phone.

"Dick," Bruce's voice says, "I've got some news." He pauses for a moment. "It's about Barbara..."

**Hope you like it and review. I redoing both endings because I realized I completely forgot Jason. X(**


	2. He Couldn't Bring Her Back

All It Is Is A Memory

Chapter 2

He Couldn't Bring Her Back

_Beep-Beep-Beep_

Dick picks up the phone.

"Dick," Bruce's voice says, "I've got some news." He pauses for a moment. "It's about Barbara."

Dick holds his breath. He can hardly bear to hope.

"Dick, I'm sorry, but she's gone."

"No." Dick felt his world shatter. For five years, he had clung to the slim chance that Barbara would wake up. Now that was being taken from him, and on the exact same day she had gone into the coma five years ago.

Why did she leave him?

Was it because he wasn't good enough?

Did she hate him now that he was a murderer?

"James wants to give her a civilian funeral," Bruce tells him. "It's Friday at 5pm."

Tears were falling down Dick face again. "I'll come," Dick whispers.

"I'm sorry, Dick," Bruce says one more time before he hangs up.

...

An hour later, Dick meets his partner, Bette, on top of a building.

"Hello, Flamebird," Dick says to her, announcing his presence.

She turns around and gives him a sad look. "Are you going Friday?" she asks him.

"Yes," Dick replies sadly. "I just can't believe she's gone. And on the same day it happened."

"How are you holding up?" Bette asks him.

"It doesn't hurt the same as it did when Joker first shot her," Dick replies and sits down on the edge of the roof. "It still hurts. Just not in the same way."

"You know it okay to cry," Bette says and she sits down next to him and hugs him.

"I've done that on this day for the past five years. I don't think there's anything left." He hung his head.

There is a slight breeze behind them and Bette turns to see who's there.

"Hey Flash, Artemis," she greets the pair.

"We came as soon as Bats told us," Artemis explains.

Wally sits down on the other side of his best friend. "We're here for you," he says placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks guys. Really."

"How are you feeling?" Artemis asks. She's concerned about the lack of emotion in Dick's voice.

"Despondent, heavy on the 'des'," he answers.

...

Her funeral was held on May 13th and she was buried in Gotham Cemetery next to her mom.

Several close friends and family members made speeches.

When it was Dick's turn to go up he took a deep breath to steady himself before he began.

"She was my best friend and the love of my life. For five years I waited and hoped she would come back. Now I know she will only be with me in sprit. I'll miss you Babs."

Dick walks back to his seat and Tim hugs him tight.

"I wish I could have met her," Tim whispers to his older brother.

"She would have loved you, Tim," Dick tells the 12 year old.

Jason puts his hand on Dick's shoulder before he and Tim leave.

As everyone leaves the cemetery, Dick takes one last look at her grave. It starts to drizzle as he walks away.

He stops in front of his parents' graves. "Take care of her for me," he whispers, "I'll see her soon." He then walks off into the rain; his mind set on what he was going to do.

...

Dick Grayson was found dead in his apartment three days later. The cause was an overdose of pain medication. A note was found next to his body with two simple sentences on it.

"_I'm sorry I couldn't bring her back. Please forgive me_."

Only Bruce knew the extent of the apology and how it extended towards more than just Barbara's death. Dick had never forgiven himself for what he had done to the Joker.

His body went next to his parents. He was now reunited with them, and Barbara.

**Um... let's just say that for an intents and purposes, Jason became Red Hood without dying.**


	3. Everything Will Be Alright

All It Is Is A Memory

Chapter 3

Everything Will Be Alright

_Beep-Beep-Beep_

Dick picks up the phone.

"Dick," Bruce's voice says, "I've got some news." He pauses for a moment. "It's about Barbara."

Dick holds his breath. He can hardly bear to hope.

"She's getting better. We think she'll wake up soon."

Dick could hardly contain himself. "What! How can you tell? What changed? When did this happen?" he all but shouts into the receiver.

"Take a deep breath, Dick," Bruce tells him, "Her brainwaves spiked up dramatically and she turned her head back and forth. This happened an hour ago when her dad was just starting to leave for the night."

"Have you told anyone else?"

"No, I ran some more tests to make sure it wasn't a mistake before I called you. I'll let you call whoever you want or you can just come alone," Bruce says.

"Thanks Bruce. You can tell Tim or Jason if they ask what's up. I'll call Bette and Artemis later. Those three were best friends in school. I'll just come alone now," Dick tells his father.

"Alright," Bruce says and then hangs up.

Dick rushes to the zeta-beams, his heart much lighter than it was that morning. He soon enters the medical bay in Watch Tower and heads to Barbara's room. Her father had left since there had been no more movement since the small head shake.

Dick sits down next to her and watch her for a little while. He decided to tease her in the hopes that she would hear him and wake up.

"Great going, Babs. You got me all worked up for a false alarm. Guess it's only natural considering you could never beat me when sparing; you just had to beat my coma record."

Dick had been in a coma before after a battle with Two-Face, but it had only lasted for three weeks.

"Pathetic," Dick says with a shake of his head. His eyes widen when he notices the small smile that has now appeared on Barbara's once expressionless face.

Dick then smiles as well. "Glad to see you agree with me," he tells her.

He fails to notice the raven haired boys who come up behind him. "Dickie-Brid, I think you're starting to lose it," one of them say, "You're talking to a girl who, at the very least, is sleeping, if not still in a light coma."

Dick turns to Jason, "Quiet you. I'm having a conversation here."

Tim just rolls his eyes at his big brother. "Seems pretty one-sided to me."

The boys laugh.

"Yeah! You laughed!" Tim cried.

"I laugh sometimes, Timmy," Dick tries to tell him.

"Rarely. And never on today," Jason points out.

"Yeah, I know," Dick says as he smiles sadly.

...

A week later and Barbara still has not awoken. She has turned in what appears to be a restless sleep, but she has never opened her eyes. Dick sits by her bedside and waits.

"Dick," a hoarse whisper comes from Barbara's lips.

"Barbara?" Dick says, quickly looking at her. She does not appear to have moved.

"Dick, come back," Barbara pleads.

"Babs, I'm right here," he tries to soothe her.

"Dick, don't leave me. It's not your fault," she says again.

"Barbara," Dick says again before going to him com link.

"Dick what is it?" Bruce answers.

"It's Barbara. She's talking and it sounds like she's having a nightmare," Dick tells him.

"Try to talk her out of it. I'll be there soon." Bruce then disconnects.

"Hey, Dick," Artemis says as she and Bette walk in to the room, "Any change?"

"Yes. She's talking, but it sounds like she's having a nightmare," Dick tells them.

"What's she saying?" Bette asks as the two girls rush over.

As if to answer her question, Barbara speaks again. "Dick, don't go. You didn't mean to. You don't have to leave," she says.

All Dick can do is stare at her, now tossing and turning in the bed, begging him not to go. It was as though she knew he had killed the Joker after she lost consciousness and she was telling him she forgave him.

Without thinking he gently pins her down so she wouldn't hurt herself. He then leans up to her ear and whispers, "Babs, I promise I won't leave."

Barbra's breathing returns to normal and she seems to truly sleep.

"Dick, what did you say to her?" Artemis asks.

"I told her I wasn't going to leave. That's what she asked me, right?" Dick replies with a shrug.

...

The next day, Dick hears her voice again. "Dick?" This time it is asking and confused.

"I'm right here, Babs," he tells her. He holds her hand.

Then, what he has been waiting over five years for; she opens her eyes.

"Dick?" she asks again, looking around.

"Over here, Babs," Dick says. Barbara turns her head towards his voice.

When her eyes see him she gasps.

"Don't panic. You've been out of it for a long time," he smirks at her and any doubt in her mind that this is really Dick is erased.

"How long?" She asks slowly.

"A little over five years," Dick replies. His eyes look down.

"Five years?" Barbara says in disbelief. "Huh, guess I got my wish and was able to skip over most of the hormonal teenage years," she mutters to herself. "Oh, Dick, I'm so sorry," she says suddenly, looking at him.

"What are you apologizing for?" Dick asks in surprise.

"I left you," she said in a quiet voice, "Remember after that one fight with Scarecrow, you made me promise I would never leave you. I'm sorry."

Dick gets on the side of her bed and pulls her into a tight hug. "It's okay. You're here now and that's what matters."

...

Dick contacts Bruce soon after and soon James Gordon, Artemis, Bette and Wally are all there with her. She is still bed ridden for another few days, but Dick promises that as soon as she is up to it he will help her relearn all her gymnastics moves.

...

Dick's sitting by her bedside on her last night at Watch Tower, when she starts turning and moaning.

"Dick, you didn't mean to. Don't leave. Stay with me."

"Barbara," Dick says quietly as he shakes her awake.

She wakes up with a start and starts sobbing.

"Babs, what's wrong?" Dick asks softly.

"I dreamed that you killed someone because they hurt me, and then you left. You didn't understand that that hurt me more," Barbara sobs into his chest.

"How did you know?" Dick wonders to himself.

"How did I know what?" Barbara asks him.

"Barbra, I have something important to tell you," Dick says, knowing he will have to tell her eventually. "I'm a murderer."

"What are you talking about?" Barbara asks, not understanding.

Dick takes a deep breath. "After you lost consciousness, I- I-"

Barbara looks into his eyes. "What is it?"

"I shot the Joker with his own gun. I picked it up, pointed it at him and pulled the trigger. I should have gone to jail."

"Dick, that man, no monster," he flinches slightly as he remembers the same thought going through his own head, "killed a lot of people."

"But that doesn't give me the right to shoot him in the back!"

"Dick, look at me!" Barbara says in a commanding tone. When Dick turns to face her, she says, "There are men and women fighting in the army, right? They shoot people, right? My Dad's shot and killed people before too."

"I'm not a soldier or a cop, Babs."

"Listen to me. I'm sure a good number of soldiers and cops feel bad about killing people as well. But answer me this. What are those brave people killing for?"

Dick stays silent.

"They are fighting to protect the innocent and the ones they love, Dick. Now tell me what was going through your head when you shoot the Joker." Barbara stares expectantly at him.

It takes him a moment but he then responds, "That the Joker had killed many innocent people and hurt you and Bruce and me several times."

"See, you are a soldier and a cop, Dick. You put your life on the line everyday to fight evil. Just because it's not with guns doesn't change that fact."

Dick smiles at her. He always knew she was the only one who would have been able to ease his pain.

"Everything will be alright, Dick," she whispers to him before falling back to sleep.

**Reviews please!**


End file.
